But as I grew up I learned that being a “people pleaser” is a full-time, exhausting, non-full filling job. I learned that brothers and sisters are the friends who stick by me every step of the way. I learned that family will love me no matter what. And I learned that the hidden gems between friends and cousins are the back bones I will always have. And those people do not need me to please them. They will stick by no matter what!
Years after my recovery, and as I have recovered from the symptom of being a “people pleaser”, I decided to write down my thoughts and steps in order to remind myself what needs to be done and remind those around me that it is ok not to suffer in silence.
1- Not being a “people pleaser” does not mean you are not a giver
It is very important to keep in mind that life is all about give and takes. In order to receive respect, love, attention and support, one must always give those. However, the most important thing to learn is that, though giving sometimes means sacrificing, one must never give without receiving anything in return, and turn into a “people pleaser”.
2- Love yourself more than you love anyone
The more you love yourself, the more you will be able to love everyone around you. Appreciate yourself. You are valuable in your own way. Remember that no one is complete and eventually the people around you (the good ones, the ones worth keeping) will see the good in you and love it as well.
3- Learn that it is okay to say “no”
“no, thank you”. Read it again: “no, thank you”. You see? It’s not rude. It’s not impolite. It’s actually quite easy! Practice and use (and abuse if you must) the use of the sentence. So the next time the gang are going for a night swim and you feel like having a drink, do not hesitate. A simple “no, thank you” is the answer. After all, spending the night at home relaxing or investing in an activity that you like is far more satisfying than joining everyone in an activity that you dislike. However, keep in mind that life is all about give and takes and that sometimes it is okay to do something for the ones you love, every once in a while.
4- Learn to let go of toxic people
You know those few who always used and abused you with requests and demands? Those you stood by and yet never stood by you? That friend who always planned your Saturday nights out based on what he/she felt like doing? Let. Them. Go. You’ll lose a couple of people, it is true. And no matter how hard it feels now and how sad it might sound (especially that, if you’re a “people pleaser” you probably hate to let people go) you’ll thank me later! I promise.
5- Take time for yourself
Your “me” time should be sacred. Being a “people pleaser” probably made you forget all about your own hobbies, likes, dislikes and even dreams. Take time to discover yourself and make your daily “me” time sacred. Re-discover yourself.
Bonus comment: you’ll love what you discover ;)
6- Congratulate yourself
Yup! You’ve read that last one right. You will never learn to love yourself and continue walking away from toxic people or from being a “people pleaser” unless you congratulate yourself for every time you say no. For every time you speak your mind. For every time you say what you really think (without being rude of course and without hurting others).
You see? There is a thin line between being a “people pleaser”, voicing your opinion and being a total douchebag! Discover the balance and learn the equation by heart. After all you don’t want anyone to step on your toes but, at the same time, you want to respect and love the people around you and earn back their love and respect – without losing your own personality and comfort (I can’t stress on this enough!)
Welcome to the new you…. Enjoy!